whizzing....

lifes weird...i don't have the faintest memory of what the first touch of air felt like when I was born or did it hurt me when they cut off the umbilical cord...or did it feel icky to be soaked in blood and plasma...I wonder..how can something that started off so abrupt turn out to be so interestingly annoying and annoyingly interesting...

I fail to understand how ones mind can play such funny games with you and surface your insecurities, worries, tensions unknowingly to you! you get caught in trying to bite the bullet and making sure nobody else takes the blow...

u take blows over blows and then u realize its a choice you made...a road u chose to ride...nobody told u nothing....nobody did no nothing...u did it!

This worlds a mean and nasty place....there are all sorts of animals in this jungle and life is the one common thread...u need to know though which animals to avoid..which to hunt down, which to hang around with....

U think ur nice, ur fun and u please everyone....u hope they know u just love them... or they might mistake u for a clown....party is over then...

The minds a devil...it makes u do things u normally wouldn't and then ur hearts even worse...it get ur mind to do things IT normally wouldn't ...

u got one heart...some will kick it, some bruise, some even stab it...but that one person which will come to the mend....make sure she is worth it ... make it count!

Dreams..

You know friends...one of the things i learnt today was dreams are like pieces of glass...when they shatter, they fucking hurt. you might end up concealing everything at that moment saying it was necessary to let go, oh it was just wishful thinking, oh that was just a joke or that you are cool with it but the fact is you don't!

Another thing I learnt today was that irrespective of whatever you say, whatever you do, pressure will get to you and you need someone to share your emotions with!! sometimes all you need is someone to hear you out and not give you any feedback/suggestion or solution but just give you sometime to vent it out. Worse, if they start thinking you need help!

It kinda sucks to be writing this post at this time sitting in office as i look out of the window (yes i can type without looking at the monitor)... however i had to pencil (or rather keyboard) this down so I could have something to hear me out!

Sometimes you feel your life is such a disappointment, you can't do what you like, your stuck with a job you like but is not the one you dreamt of, you have to curb your every little instinct or atleast think it over atleast twice before you decide to pursue it, all because you have to live a life that keeps others happy and put your own self on the back burner! and worst of all it hits you more when you kinda get that dirty realization that there is no one to think for you and care for your happyness!

not that Ma does not, but that her priority is the FAMILY and not just me! secondly it is always the case when you are the older of two siblings, you tend to get a raw deal more often than not...may be its the frustrated me speaking but well there is got to be some amount of truth here!

and well when your career is not "taking off" as such, when you are laden in EMI repayments, when your friends start to have different priorities, the one thing that you could really benefit from is having a steady relationship and guess what, tht seems to be pissing on me too...so in essence, as it stands right now, it kinda sucks...coz all the hope and optimism i had has kind of dried up and its sort of face the reality time for me...all the truth is beginning to come to the face and the mirage that i had built up for myself seems to be breaking away...

however, having said that, everybody has good and bad times and although i am tempted to say its my worst phase, i think NOT. I am sure this shall pass too...I have always enjoyed being a peoples person and have revelled in their sucess, in their happyness but sometimes it gets to you and may be its time i bite the bullet tell myself that its ok and get on with it and continue to try and spread happyness around me...I mean if I can help others to be happy, there would be lesser me's in the world and those people can atleast then live for themselves...

Last but not the least:

I think the biggest reason why a person tends to freak out is when he sees the mirror and gets to see his imperfections, his mistakes, his life in general..and thats whats been happening to me off late. It might sound funnily stupid but I could have never imagined that i could see a character from a tele series and relate to it the way I have...

it has reminded me of how i have not achieved anything I had wanted to , about how girls have been really mean to me, about how I feel like a napkin to everybody else ... but one thing it also reminds me of is that amidst all this chaos and shit, there is a person who has lived his life honestly, who has strived to make a difference who has pulled along that xtra effort to tell someone he loves them and still got his heart broken...all this makes me realize I am human and a good one at it...and I am proud of it....

The Proudest day of my life!!

2.30 PM i wake up on a saturday afternoon and park myself infront of the TV like millions of other Indians (not sure if that number is now Billions). I sit right there watching Srilanka go into bat. The match had two sides showing too much respect to each other and it showed in the way Lanka eased to a score of 275 and more so by the way India crusied to that score without being largely troubled. MSD for all his poor moments this world cup had a flawless game! right from bowling changes to the batting order (and yes I predicted DHoni would come in before Yuvi!). The only one being getting MOWGLI (Sreecan't) in for Nehra when he had the option of Ashwin.

However, the one thing that stood over it all was seein the cup come home. Its been 28 years. A long wait! and the wait was sweet as hell considering the end result! As they say in India, everything has a happy ending. Now our Generation has a World cup story to tell the next, much like our parents who had their own. Kapil Dev has company at the ultimate epitome of success where it had started to get lonely and India have ethched their name in Golden words in the history books of the sport.

However, this win meant the most to me because of one man! A man who has carried India and the Indian expectations tamasha on his shoulders for 21 years. A man who has gone about his business quietly and surpassed all expectations, broken all records and earned his place as the best player in the world, but for a missing trophy in his cabinet. That man is Sachin Tendulkar! A man no indian is stranger to. In India kids know about Sachin well before they know how to read and write...An Indian who is more Indian than anybody else, an Indian that deserves to be given a special mention in any record books, history books that the country ever has.

I never thought being born a human being, God gave me emotions for others too but for the first time I felt emotions boil over, I cried with Yuvi, with Dhoni, and I cried most for Sachin. Seeing that Man touch that elusive cup, which eluded him for the previous 5 editions of this Tourney was finally in his hands! He hugged it, kissed it n lifted it in Air and each time they showed his face on TV tears rolled down!

A man that all of India has loved with all their heart, An Indian who has not a single smudge on his character on his track record, a Man who has loved the country irrespective of the country not believing in him at times...A man that defies everything another man could feel and changes the way a Man can feel about another man!

Sachin this world cup truly is for you! This world cup has truly united the entire nation and given everybody a reason to feel alive again!

P.s: The one thing that I hated was people celebrating Pakistan and Srilanka's defeat over our Victory! Ridiculous! Absolute Ridiculous!

Staying DIS-connected.....

Weird things going on in my head as i write this. Its ironical that the very technology that I am using today to write this blog is the very focal point of this topic...

I entered the house with bruised knees and a sun tan...I was tired..my glass of rasna lemon was ready...my mom was cooking lunch and watching for me when i have my rasna and run away...its time for the second match and my team is waiting for me...my friends have come over to play cricket and I am completely over the moon!

The scene that i talked about earlier was years ago! This was when technology was not something that ruled our lives and made us tech monkeys or Robos! we had a life, we had blood n sweat (and it showed) we had energy, stamina, passion and we were a lot more than just couch potatoes!

Then came the technology advancement! people could get information at the tips of their fingers, you could see whats happening in japan sitting here in mumbai India! However, there is a bigger danger to this for all the good that it brings along!

People are now forgetting that technology is a mere resource at our disposal than a way of life! it is a mere helping hand and not really the life line!

I look at everybody and i think, wow! whats happening...BBM, Android phones with all types of messengers, Laptops, Tablets...and people are sooo connected...but do we realize..within all this staying connected hoodoo...we are actually way too disconnected...

when was the last time we saw our child hood best friend? When was the last time you went out to play a game of football rather than play Fifa...when was the last time you actually caught up with friends and talked about good ol days or took a dig at each other! luckily for me, I do it often! However, as I look at the generations to come (I feel fucking old when i say this) and the next crop of youngsters...I only see tech junkies in them...where are the real human beings..

why do kids not go out n play? why do they not meet friends? why do they not invite their mates over for a fuckin lunch party...instead evening meeting sessions are replaced by FB chats, twitter tweets BBM's etc...lunch parties by video gaming sessions, ps3, xbox sessions etc...

with all the technology, we seem to be losing more and more of US...what started of as a means to give us the convenience to communicate is gradually becoming the only means of communication! i know its weird and probably most of you might dispute this...but thats whats happening to the kids today and its such a shame! coz they will never know what it means to have a bruised knee, a fractured arm, a sweaty shirt, a smelly sock!

I'll take the copy, the original is too much ;)

So its been brought to my notice that i haven't written a blog for ages now...yes that does make me feel priveleged...coz atleast there is someone that wants to read this inconsequential mindless rant about my mundane life!

there is something which i want to really talk about today...and I am going to take no prisoners when i say this..I don't think this shud bother me but somewhere I do wonder why I am still single...

I have met girls over the years, girls that are wonderful people, beautiful, sweet, some sensible, some not, some cool some not...but then there is one thing which has been sort of a common theme... that I've always been victim of their past...or their personal lives...I don't wish to touch a nerve here for I understand how a person can become very sensitive after some bad experiences...however, you don't stop eating because you didn't like the last meal you ate!

Trust is something which has to be bestowed on a 1 to 1 basis...and of all the girls I have met, I have barely seen any that understands that. One thing that all girls are culprit to is not trusting enough...maybe I am generalizing this but then this has been MY experience....

I've never really understood.. when someone says "Oh I wish I had a boyfriend like you" My question is "Why do you want a cheap clone of copy of me when you can have me?" .. i think its something to do with the phrase "too good to be true" I choose to believe that coz most girls can't believe the fact that probably they are getting that very guy in their lives..and this is not just true for me but for every other guy who has been "THE BEST FRIEND" , "THE ONE WE CAN COUNT ON" for a girl...the girls just tend to take them for granted.... anyways... I think its something that probably won't change.....

anyways here's something i found on the internet...an interesting article..one that i can really relate to most importantly

Ode to the Nice Guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

As the rain fizzles down

on this beautiful earth

I sit down watchin the muddy brown

and the kids full of dirt

I sit there watchin the kids at play

and think of the good old day

when I used to be a little boy

and jumping in the puddles was my biggest joy

I then walked down the memory lane

taking a step forward towards the present

how i would think being a kid was a bane

and on growing up I was hell bent

As my memory travelled in time

It passed by some corners of my heart

In the pockets there wasn't a single dime

For her I would try to stand apart

The calendar changed many seasons

For each one I met I tried a lot more

Each of them with their reasons

Plainly walked out of the door

Now I ask why I wanted this life?

My mind failing to think clear

I am a changed man now, it cuts me like a knife

still there is nobody that cares, When I shed a tear.

honest words from the heart

As I lay down on my bed,

there is just one thing on my mind

I try to get it out of my head

and put all of it behind

Each new day, I look forward to,

There is a sudden rush

there is atleast one moment I think of you,

and I smile as I blush

You are the shining light

of my work filled and tiresome days

your smile is what makes it bright

I swear,only the truth my heart says

You don't know how it feels

to not see you or hear your voice

Different priorties keep you on your heels

I am left with no choice

Our lives haven't intersected yet

I would be a fool, if on the future I bet

Of today I can tell you something true,

Everymoment your out of my sight,

I miss you, I really do.