Another thing I learnt today was that irrespective of whatever you say, whatever you do, pressure will get to you and you need someone to share your emotions with!! sometimes all you need is someone to hear you out and not give you any feedback/suggestion or solution but just give you sometime to vent it out. Worse, if they start thinking you need help!
It kinda sucks to be writing this post at this time sitting in office as i look out of the window (yes i can type without looking at the monitor)... however i had to pencil (or rather keyboard) this down so I could have something to hear me out!
Sometimes you feel your life is such a disappointment, you can't do what you like, your stuck with a job you like but is not the one you dreamt of, you have to curb your every little instinct or atleast think it over atleast twice before you decide to pursue it, all because you have to live a life that keeps others happy and put your own self on the back burner! and worst of all it hits you more when you kinda get that dirty realization that there is no one to think for you and care for your happyness!
not that Ma does not, but that her priority is the FAMILY and not just me! secondly it is always the case when you are the older of two siblings, you tend to get a raw deal more often than not...may be its the frustrated me speaking but well there is got to be some amount of truth here!
and well when your career is not "taking off" as such, when you are laden in EMI repayments, when your friends start to have different priorities, the one thing that you could really benefit from is having a steady relationship and guess what, tht seems to be pissing on me too...so in essence, as it stands right now, it kinda sucks...coz all the hope and optimism i had has kind of dried up and its sort of face the reality time for me...all the truth is beginning to come to the face and the mirage that i had built up for myself seems to be breaking away...
however, having said that, everybody has good and bad times and although i am tempted to say its my worst phase, i think NOT. I am sure this shall pass too...I have always enjoyed being a peoples person and have revelled in their sucess, in their happyness but sometimes it gets to you and may be its time i bite the bullet tell myself that its ok and get on with it and continue to try and spread happyness around me...I mean if I can help others to be happy, there would be lesser me's in the world and those people can atleast then live for themselves...
Last but not the least:
I think the biggest reason why a person tends to freak out is when he sees the mirror and gets to see his imperfections, his mistakes, his life in general..and thats whats been happening to me off late. It might sound funnily stupid but I could have never imagined that i could see a character from a tele series and relate to it the way I have...
it has reminded me of how i have not achieved anything I had wanted to , about how girls have been really mean to me, about how I feel like a napkin to everybody else ... but one thing it also reminds me of is that amidst all this chaos and shit, there is a person who has lived his life honestly, who has strived to make a difference who has pulled along that xtra effort to tell someone he loves them and still got his heart broken...all this makes me realize I am human and a good one at it...and I am proud of it....
