Utopia...

I have been talking to Mithu about how some songs take me to my small little perfect world...to those who are unaware...Mithu is Kaalindi...a very dear friend...who is part of a special women group who are godsent ;) ....

When Mithu asked me to write about my perfect world, I was not sure If I wanted to do this...the first thing that came to my head was "why do you wanna know mithuuuu" coz if I share this small little world of mine with everyone will it not get invaded but then I realized...its a figment of my brains imagination and that no body can invade it till I let them to ;).... I'm listening to the song, I'm yours by Jason Mraz...yet another song and artist that Mithu has introduced me to...Mithu thanks for this wonderful song....it is indeed very beautiful...and it takes me to my own little world...

I am an Arian...naturally very romantic and passionate...I have a deep connection with Arts, Music, nature and sometimes these things trigger me to go to my small world and strive to make it perfect...I know this mortal world can never be perfect but I am now working in a prototype in my mind lol...a World which will be Perfect for me...like a parag world... World within a world ;) It will be my space...my UTOPIA! I like this word so, as a blogger, I take the creative liberty to define and skew the original definition...

Utopia: a Small ideal world that is thought by you and then made possible by yourself ;)

I am deeply bonded by my Mamma and my baby my sister Anu...They mean a lot to me...so they go into my little world first....anything involving me will involve them...so they will always be the most important people of my small world :)

I miss my Pappa...he left me for something more important ;) 2 years back and I want him back...so pappa makes a comeback... Like how Undertaker chaddi lekar used to come from the coffin in WWF! I must say I loved watching Paul bearer talking like a woman with the heart pot in his hand lol...

As I add pappa to this imaginary world...Mithu is sharing another song.. I knew I loved you by Savage Garden lol...another song I bet which sends me to my perfect world...

After Mamma, Anu and Pappa...come in all my friends...the lads...aadi, koru, gujju,paro,pooja,mansi,dipsi,sagar,rohan,mithu,chabbu,ajit,kunal,gaurav,Nammu,sneha,ravi

,priyesh,swapnil,tikku...the list is long....quite long...coz it will have all d special ones of my special ones too in it :)

I will also get Bunny's aaji back along with ravi's pappa...coz they mean a lot to all my friends...

Now comes in the best part...I am cutting out the childhood out of this coz we all love to be kids...If i was a kid I would not know of a small perfect world...coz the world will be what I want it to be lol...so in this world..we are all educated...with fairly decent jobs...so this world has all of us...in jobs which has no politics...everyone grows on merit ;) ... everyone is old enough to go partying on weekends...so we go partying on weekends...have fun...weekdays we spend with work n family ;)

Prakash is probably married too and has kids which call me Deepu ;) and not chachu lol...koru is dating someone...Ravi is tied up with his newly formed Business...Gaurav is getting married...ajith is settled...paro is well settled with a multi billionaire :)...poo is getting married...aadi is dating someone... alls cool with everyone... they are all happy and when they are happy I am happy.... we go for picnics with our respective partners and I am looking at all these couples and thinking....how beautiful love is...how beautiful they look together...

In this world, I love my work..I love my new House...my new caymen ...and the hummer in the garage...my harley davidson...I have all the things a successful man has..and then I look into her eyes and her sunshine smile greets me.... she is the reason for all the success along with all those aforementioned people...she is the reason why I have a hummer, a caymen, a HD....she is the reason I continue to write football, I continue to do my blogs... she is the reason this world is complete....she is the inspiration, the motivation ;)

This world will be about purity,friendship,love, fun,humor, satisfaction, compassion.... a world I will embroil myself into...a world for me and my people!

This is my small world...my imagination of being happy n content in life....this is the world I am striving to achieve each new day.... I think of this world and it motivates me....and while I have all the pieces for the perfect world except the obvious ones who have left for heavenly abode....I realize that she is missing....but I know she is watching me...she is the Angel...we all need... and my world will soon be complete....

till then adios amigos....

Deja` Vu

I am quite familiar with what the sense of deja vu is... there have been many times where I have thought I have been through this before.....

however, there is a very weird sense of deja vu Rishi is going through... a feeling which takes u through an emotional roller coaster....a feeling which leaves u warm and fuzzy inside.... here is what Rishi went through....

This has been the story of Rishi's life and I am going to focus mainly on his love life.... for the sake of convenience I would wanna call them Gangu bai and radha..... Gangu bai and Rishi were friends through a common friend....while radha and Rishi met through the surreal world of the internet....they met, they spoke, they started dating and soon they realized that things weren't working out and so in about 5 months they parted ways.... Rishi was enjoyin single hood...things were fine and then one fine day Rishi starts to get this feeling that he had a crush on Gangu bai and he realized that it was maybe this crush he had which didn't let him see things clearly with radha ( I know its a little confusing but then I swear, I swear to the lord he can never two time or cheat on a person!)... so now that the realization dawned upon him... Gangu bai and rishi became very good friends and rightly so.... She had the sweetest voice, the softest heart n the most beautiful soul rishi had seen till that point in time...( when u like someone u see the whole world all pink n red lol)...

time passed, Gangu bai and rishi got closer n closer n Rishi kinda took it for keeps that Gangu bai and he were a couple.... not just him but all his friends thought so too...and so after about 1 year and few months of relentless sweetness n cute talks, Rishi conjured up the courage to ask gangubai out....and to the shock of his life, he get to know that she never really looked at him that way! ( so much for all the cute talks lol) and then he gets to know about his casanova image and his lack of responsibility sort of an image which actually led to his denial lol... those qualities are quite opposite to what they were made off.... He was shattered (isn't every guy for sometime lol) and he decided he would never talk to gangubai again....

here he was single again....however, there is a twist to the tale.... he met radha again.....and then he thought may be it was not fair that he did not give his relationship with radha a fair and honest attempt...and so he told radha about the facts and she thinks that they should go out again and they did...but then 4 months in to phase 2 of relationship 1, he realize that it was not actually his failure to give it a honest try but the relationship did not have wat it needed to succeed...and radha and rishi split again....

Rishi in the year after he split with radha again, did a lot of introspection and soul searching and realized he was not that bad afterall... he was a nice guy who did give his first relationship an honest try and things genuinely didn't work out...radha kinda played her part in telling rishi that he was right in thinking that way.... all this happened over a period of 5 years and rishi also had a friend call rinky who he thought would make a good partner but then he soon realizes that its not rinky....it just cannot be....they are just good friends n nothing more.

Meanwhile in the course of the 5 years…Rishi went through a lot of turmoil…he lost his grand parents ...he lost his pa…the one friend he never wanted to lose was his PA….and he lost him….Rishi did a lot of introspection in this phase and as they say it is difficult times which makes a man out of a boy! Rishi became a Man from a boy…. He changed to radically n for the good that nobody could not not notice the maturity, the calmness he had suddenly got… he became closer to his folks, to his friends who had been with him through thick n thin! He had indeed become a good man… n his work was treating well…he was one of the best there…and today he is got all he wants but this one person who he could call his companion, his partner … a person he would make laugh all his life and he would take pleasure in seeing her smile…rishi is a simple man with this small simple dream…he just wants to be the reason for the smile on her face and forever…..

recently rishi got in touch with this friend of his called nicki….he had known her as this bubbly little girl who was full of energy and enthusiasm… a quality which rishi always liked….something which he always admired in any person… he spoke to nicki and gradually after hours n hours of phone calls n chats he thought that he could do anything to see nicki smile…. The only worry rishi now has is that he does not want to lose nicki as a friend and the biggest concern he has is he does not want to freak nicki out! Coz nicki is this nice girl he thinks could be the one….so now here is rishi standing at this junction….where he is experiencing a weird sense of déjà vu…. A feeling that he has been through before… a warm fuzzy feeling he thinks he felt just once before when he was in love with gangubai….a feeling he never felt since then!

Rishi is in a state of to be or not to be…. He does not want to call it love yet…but he has no answers to the warm n fuzzy feeling inside… Rishi came to me and I told him…” dude u just gotta be patient n take yer time…” I am just gonna pray for rishi that his sense of déjà vu does not end In the same way….where he ends up distraught n shattered again…n that he eventually becomes the reason for someones smile forever ;)….cheers to rishi and good luck to him ;)

Angel...we all need one...we all want one....

The stars were sparkling, under the moon lit sky

I looked at them trying to decode their magical language

They kept smiling at me trying to tease me and I kept looking in vain

This happened every night and soon it became a pain,

A pain I didn’t feel, a pain I didn’t understand

I wish someone would explain to me what they said

Holding my hands

I kept looking for those hands now that would take me along

To the magical world of stars and the moon

The voice that would tell me about the different reasons

As to why each star shone differently and sparkled like they did

The story about why the moon would wax and wane,

I kept looking for the one who would alleviate my pain

Then down the aisles of the rainbow, she came walking

Her eyes putting the sparkles of the stars to shame,

Her smile illuminating a million moons

Her voice my guiding light, I had never seen a soul shine so bright

She was like an angel sent from above

An angel I prayed for, who would give me peace

A sense of purity and divinity in my heart,

I kept looking at her, thinking if I was indeed alive

I wished she would be mine, I prayed to god

And promised I would never let the sparkle of her eyes fade,

Never let her smile go, that I would cherish her in my mortal eyes

And treasure her in this heart

With the sound of thunder my dream fell apart,

But I still think about the angel

Every moment I breathe, every second my heart beats

I know she is somewhere around

Looking at me and waiting for the day

She would walk into my life

And transform it to the magical world I dreamt of.

about stars, astrologers, life, depression and a lot more....

Now for all you readers n followers...precisely 4 of you who have been kind enough to follow my blogs, Thank you for being patient... I so wish to write more but then Half my day is spent sleeping and the other half at work. So I am not to be blamed is what I think but then they say that agar dhoond ke dekho to Khuda bhi mil jaata hain toh waqt kya cheez hain lol....

Last post was on Jun 22 I believe ( I just checked it but still can't remember, talk about STML) lol..STML?? STML is the most famous thing that took the world by storm post Ghajini...Sot Term Memory Laas lol... Yeah so last post was on Jun 22 and since then I have taken (counting my fingers) 3 months to write the next. Thats apathetic but then theres been a lot of things that have been happening.

I had my first appraisal in that time frame, got a hike of a meager 8 %... 8% .?? 8 is my favorite no but only on a football jersey, also 8 is my favorite no becoz I would like to have a 8 figure salary some day but 8% hike huh.. I remember how inconsistency came back to haunt me and how even our boss was feeling ashamed quoting such disgusting figures and how he was trying to hide behind the curtains of RECESSION lol...

Kaaku quit Zycus in that time frame...Kaaku...alias...Akshay modi...a dear friend, a great human being...one heck of a guy and a true sweetheart ( now I am not gay)....even BOY quit zycus.. Boy...alias Stanley another great human being...a truly cherished friend and a hustler...he is like part of my hood lol.... and these two folks are irreplacable in the hearts of people who called em friends...Really great guys and yea we made good company ..... now its not that I am not in touch with them but just thought this is worth putting down considering that this blog is gonna be a really long one.... 3 months! wow...long time you see....

yeah so post stan and kaaku...things kinda continued...the show must go on.... meanwhile our incentives were blocked due to not having a Incentive contract in place ...brb on a call....ok I am back and I just got an interview call from some random company and i rejected, Rejection is a funny thing...u never wanna get rejected but u enjoy being in a position where u can reject lol... ok cut to the blog.. Yeah our incentives were bloody blocked due to no incentive contract in place and when we eventually got it I had enough money to book my first bike lol...a hero honda Hunk.....thats one heck of a ride ...power...peformance and style all in one...its the all muscle hunk...

Meanwhile...Eid and Navratri came in and during the ramzan period my car crashed twice and I spent quite a few of my sweat n blood ( my salary) to get my car done twice....its really annoying when you have to pay for someone else's mistake you see and I was no less annoyed when my car crashed twice...Also as navratri ( Dandiya and Garba festival) came in and it was dad's second death anniversary per the hindu calendar...so I made a trip to pune to do all the rituals n rites ....was a good trip...sitting in a packed car with random people and then coming back by the ST buses...sure did take a toll on me.....holy crap how could I forget the most important thing that happened during this....PRAKASH MANJIBHAI PATEL.....the evergreen loverboy of our gang.... THE GUJJU bhai...THE BUSINESSMAN after a lot of turmoil through his prospecting ( Ladki dekhne waali rasam) for a bride finally found his soulmate. For privacy reasons I am not gonna take the girls name lol... we met our bhabhi to be and realized marriages and matches are truly made in heaven....

yeah so after I got back from pune after dads rituals...I went back to pune the following week and rode my hunk down....was good fun....and now its been 4 days on...the hunk is doing just fine ;) during these 3 months there was a lot of things which happened... i went into an intermediate depression where I was panicking about not meeting new people....damn that was so bad...I was freaking out....then Nikhil and I bonded...and became good pals....I realized nikhil had a habit of messaging after being drunk lol....I got back in touch with KAY...lol Kaalindi Mishra (she is actually misra...Mishra with a lisp) we kinda hit it off....

the most intimidating thing about these 3 months were that I have been told I am going through 7 and a half which literally means saade satti...its supposed to be a 7 and a half year period where Shani ( i guesss saturn) causes a lot of turmoil in your life...and apparently mine is just begun....my mom this astrologer who actually told us about everything we have been going through in the last few quarters without even we telling him anything....He definitely had some Cosmic, Karmic powers which he definitely freaked me out with....Lets be honest....I kinda get freaked out by people who can read your life like an open book and they don't even know you....and it kinda scared me a bit too....I don't get easily intimidated but i know there is something about the astronomical sciences which freaks me out....my grand pa was an astrologer and I know that it can get really eerie for someone who tries to draw the line at being a believer....and does nt wanna go beyond it to a point of becoming a follower....

Its a little eerie as to how people can read others lives just by drawing some geometric figures ( Kundali) on a paper...Stars speak apparently but how? its a strange phenomenon nonetheless an intriguing one... if this holds true then there are so many other things which could be true as well about good n bad souls...about planchet ( calling in of the souls) about life after death...about Supernatural skills n powers... I personally dont wanna think those are true coz I am a follower of science and i think science has all the powers but then isn't astrology and astronomy an applied science? is it like a parallel universe where these astrologers are from and are watching your lives closely?

so many messed up thoughts and i just realized how I chatted away for over an hour on ISD lol with a friend and fried her brains...and then I had an heart attack lol... jokes apart...I think this trimonthly update is now nearing its end... not like the end of a hindi film hero who will walk about 10 kms..run another 20 and swim another 15 crawl for about 5 more before he dies after getting hit by 3 bullets in his chest lol....so I am gonna go off now...to grab another cup of tea...i realize I didn't eat Khaari with my first cup so I need one more....and then I will push off to work....I am gonna make an effort to write more often but till then adios amigos....signing off.....

The Grind

Thanks to one Mr Sahu today....I was reminded of finishing 1 year of being a Employed / salaried / bread earning / Self Earning/ Apney pairo pey khada hua person....

Thanks to Zycus I got the first opportunity of my life to earn something and prove my detractors wrong... I have always believed that Actions speak louder than words and that the brain is mightier than the sword ;) but the bottomline remains that all those Distinction holders n Toppers n the so called Creme De La Creme of the Class those who thought they are the brain and we are the Drain are all rotting pretty much in their Mediocre monotonous lives....n the fact that they have no social life barring Orkut ( Mind you not even facebook LOL ) proves that they are a wasted soul...

You can only get this far with books and then it is your Grit, your talent and your determination that takes you through life.....You can't refer to YVC Rao or Tata Mc Graw Hill or BL Theraja for the principles of life.... n I guess thats where ya all lose it my friends.... You only get one chance to make most of your hey-days and you got to make sure your right up there..... sorta reminds me of that ad by mentos about the donkey and the Ape.....

Well I ain't saying or wishing that no body moves ahead...I wish them all the luck straight from the heart but I hope life teaches them to be sobre and more connected to others who are not so genius and that these folks learn to live a normal life.....

This seems more like a vent out of all the pent up frustration but why NOT! God Damn an year or so back I was looked like a good for nothing stupid ass glorifying himself purely because of his talent ( whatever little) on the football pitch but minus a brain in the head when he was in class.... Now 1 year down the line I can only thank all those people who thought so about me coz it has made me a champion...

The past 1 year with Zycus has been a fun year and one where I learnt a lot about not only corporates but also about my own strengths and weaknesses. Zycus not only gave me a platform to perform but also recognized and appreciated my success....I can only thank them for it.... It gave me a sense of pride coming in here day in and day out and going through what people call THE GRIND!......

for me this Grind has been anything but painful coz it has only helped me grow in strength and stature..... It has made me more responsible, mature and a good listener ( some thing I lacked earlier )....It has given me some timeless friends like Akshay, Stanley, Sameer, Hriday, Sachin.....few people I believe I will never forget..... people I have had mutual admiration and respect for....folks I can count on..... it has also shown me the ugly side of politics and corporate beaureaucracy ( I hope I got that right) ..... the late night games of football.....the early morning drinking sessions....the jokes about Dulhapan....the Daman trip....about Teja and about Thapa.....It's all been a great journey of learning and growth....

Cheers to THE GRIND of Life which teaches you so much..... As i walk into the 2nd year of my work...I only hope it keeps making me a better professional and a better person....

The Bond of love

I often sit at work and check out my facebook pages and my gtalk and my emails and I see these familiar names....not the viagra ads not the horny women ads but the names of few familiar faces I have known all my life......

This is my tribute to those boring old faces I have seen all my life lolz and through all my good and bad times...through tough times and easy times through thick and thin through everything! these are people who have seen me dressed my best and my worst....look my best and my worst....talk my best and my worst....they have seen me cry and laugh....fight and shout...yell and dwell on issues which were simmering at one point of time but could not face or stand up to this one bond we all share....

These are my friends for life....friends who have truly gone beyond the meaning of friendship and given it a all new meaning...who have loved me like a brother...sometimes older sometimes younger....treated me like a kid....taken all my ill temper and my tantrums... taken all my shit ( not literally)

these are people who I have looked upto and have had mutual admiration with....They love me...they hate me...they cant live with me or without me....I can't either..

I have known them in and out and I owe a lot to what I am today to them....these are my friends....

Cheers to all ya folks...What keeps us binding is the Bond of Love.....

Love you guys....puccya, chabbu, rohan, aadi, koru, bp, bhaiya, poo, punit, dipsi, paro, mansa, swap, pankhudi, ajit, bunny, chawla, anna, gauri, yankaa, modi, rajul, montu, sneha, deepika, tikku, bantaai, Nammu, cheel, smitha ....these are some of my closest without whom life would be shit!

Some Unforgettable Firsts

We all have a first of many things and the first time of a lot of things is unforgettable....I was just thinking about what are the firsts which I can never forget....

1. My first shopping spree with dad
2. The first time i got miffed at mom n dad (this was funny)
3. The first time I ever had non vegetarian food
4.  The first time I went to school
5. the first movie I saw with family
6. the first pani puri I had at elco
7. The first class teacher
8. The first best friend
9. my first surgery
   
10. The first crush
11. The first " first" rank in class
12. The first punishment 
13. The first remark in my calendar
14. The first group i had
15. The first fight with friends
16. The first fight with people I didnt know
17. the first time i joined tuitions
18. the first time i started flirting...
19. The first lecture bunked in college.....
20. the first movie/bowling alley visit on bunking
21. the first time i flunked my papers
22. the first time I organized a party
23. the first time I stood in the queue for engineering
24. the first admission I got (it was not TSEC)
25. My first day in TSEC
26. the first few people I got to know
27. My first group in tsec
28. my first drink with friends in TSEC
29. My first try out for the TSEC football team
30. MY first match for TSEC
31. My first Trifles
32. My first BITS pilani Trip
33. MY first TSEC tournament
34. My first love
35. my first girlfriend (not my first love!)
36. my first date
37. my first kiss
38. my first break up
39. The first time I lost some one dear!( my dad)
40. The first first class in engineering
41. the first IPL!
42. The first time I went to a rock show
43. The first Job
44. The first day in office
45. they first business I got the company
46. My first salary
47. the first gifts I got for my family
48. my first felicitation in office
49. my first late nite drive to Ayubs and Bade miyan
    
50. my first football session in office
    
51. my first rickshaw driving experience!
    
52. my first clubbing experience with office friends

These are just some memories that I have till date....am sure I missed some of them unknowingly and some purposely but they are all special ;)

The Underdog!

One of the most hilarious advertisements I have seen off late is the Mint O fresh one....where the CHALIYA impresses the gaav ki gori by eating mint O fresh....It is such a corny ad but It hits you where it would connect the most.....

I was wondering why I like this ad and I realized that there was nothing in the ad....I am not into guys so the chaliya wouldnt interest me and the gaav ki gori is not so hot either....the only reason it connects is because of the UNDERDOG syndrome!

Underdog : a person who is expected to lose in a contest or conflict.

don't we all feel in such a position atleast once in our life?? and dont we wish we had someone to back us and take us past the victory line?? I don't know if anybody except the Aussies felt the pinch of their loss.....the whole world was rejoicing when SA beat australia or when france beat Brazil in the world cup.....these are events you would have wanted to happen somewhere in your heart....

Everybody in their lives feels like the underdog sometime or another. and sometimes you just accept it that you cant win and turn into a LOSER while on the other hand you take the tag up and rise to the occassion and fight the tag to win.....the choice is ours....to be a Underdog and win or to become a LOSER!

Story of a lonely son

I held his hand and walked along

No fear whatsoever                                                                                    

In him I always bestowed upon

My trust which was blind

He took me places and taught me things

Showed me the meaning of emotions within

He taught me to love and live in peace

He cried and worried even if I would sneeze

I didn’t know who he was and why he cared

They told me he was my dad.

I never understood what that meant

And found his love too cagey

I fought with him as I grew

Hurting his heart and shredding it through

He never complained and kept his faith

He believed his son could never go bad

His trust in me was never ending

And with him I kept fighting

Over the years, I realized how much I loved him

But it was not until I had lost him

I didn’t realize what I had lost

He took with him a friend, philosopher and guide

Now I wish he would come back to me

I would love him and express it free

One thing in his lifetime I could never do

To tell him how much I loved him true

I wish I had said it before                             

Dad I love you and now I wish you were here

Stucck in my head!!!

I came home at 6 in the morning from work completely brain fucked and irritated that I had had yet another frustrating day at work!.....I love my work but when things aren' t even moving and nothings happening for a long time it gets to you!!!

Right from early days in my life I have always been told I had immense potential and I have always failed to live up to my potential and its kinda become an enigma now! results are so enigmatic to me that I really need to chase and chase them down after doing all the ground work....I am just to miffed that I am letting myself down and I can do nothing about it.... I guess thats why they say that you need the rub of the green going your way sometimes and it has not been that ways for me for I dont know how long!

I hate this rant and I would be the last person to get into self pity mode which we all so love to do! My dream is to be a successful Man and all these small obstacles can try all they like and I will still be a successfull man!

Man now I feel so stressed out....Now I understand why working people experience stress.....its a rat race this world and you can talk alll you like and be as good as you can but if you cant win the race all the softer aspects go down the drain! they call sales a numbers game and I know now why! Numbers is everything and numbers is all they care about! Its difficult but not impossible but I had to vent it out somewhere so I wrote it out ;)

Need to head now for my shower....gotta go back to work now to fight for my potential and win....

adios